Mother Robinson scolds her son Steve for his former life as a Navy SEAL and other anomalies.
This tale has quasi-biographical material on Steve Robinson, only quasi, and is an excerpt from the new biography-in progress, of inventor Pete Sumaruck.
Poor boy, poor baby, Steve Robinson – he wanted so badly to participate in the Turkey Shoot, organized by Pete Sumaruck for 2012, but he didn’t have the money for the trip from Missouri to Texas. Steve asked his mother for the money but she wants him to stand up like a man and make his own money. She told him, “That’s my drinking and dope money – you can’t have that,” and, “Take responsibility for your actions Sonny, you always did have trouble with being a grownup.”
Mother Robinson – “You know I never did forgive you for not going into combat when all your friends were going to Vietnam, fighting and dying… not fair that you took that cushy job repairing radios with the Navy SEALs. Those SEAL people spent all that time and money training you and then you told me you would rather finger-doodle dolphins. That’s my son, the ‘killing machine’ finger-doodler.
“Stevie, were you really a SEAL…I’m not so sure. Your cousin Willard told me you never got any higher than an E1 – no wonder you aren’t good with money and can’t go to that turkey shoot. Willard said you were the only Navy SEAL in history to declare yourself a ‘conscientious objector.’ With the Vietnam War going on, I never could understand any of that – wouldn’t they force you to go?
“Willard said he told your high school principal about it and he laughed, blurted out, ‘crazy Steve for sure,’ and shook his head.”
Steve shook his head in tandem.
“Son, please put some clothes on; I know you like to walk around buck-naked – when you were in the crib was the last time I wanted to see your Mister Happy.
“Sonny, you know when we all sat around the dinner table at Thanksgiving, the boys – well at least your Uncle Charlie – were making all those dirty remarks and laughing like crazy. They didn’t want me to hear what they said, but I got some of it, while I was leaning over serving them the mashed potatoes. I could tell it was sexual, jokes about you and dolphins. Stevie, my son, how could you do that to one of those innocent fish – but then, what does your old mother know… wouldn’t it be all cold and slimy,” she whispers wide-eyed. Then she pats his head, “Wouldn’t you be happier with a nice woman to finger-doodle?
“Oh my dear, you were such a sweet boy when you were little…but you did love animals, remember that billygoat we had in the back yard – I’d be putting my chocolate pie up on the kitchen window-ledge to cool, then I’d peak out, see you in the yard with Billy; you liked to do unnatural things to that goat. First, he seemed to like it, all peaceful, even drooling. The next week, I guess he had enough, remember how he tried to bite you and butt you. Your Uncle Charlie had to put him down.”
Steve getting his word in – “Ma, that goat was real sweet.”
“Yes he was…when Charlie butchered him for our Sunday dinner…especially after the preacher had been telling us about sacrificing the fatted calf. Humm, I remember even now …the smell of that barbecued goat, humm.”
“Ma, I remember that day, a lot of blood all over the yard. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t go into combat…remembering the gutted goat.”
“Naw, you go to the market and buy meat; you don’t think that’s blood-free, do ya. Don’t be such a sissy, son. Anyway, you always stand too close – up close and personal. That goat had dirty habits , always farting, remember that juicy explosion knocked you clear across the yard. …I guess it was just another step to enjoying dolphins – how boys go bad. People say dolphins are smart…maybe too smart for you. You should be more considerate, maybe they wanted to have sex with their own kind, not with you.”
Steve heaves a big sigh and looks for the door.
But Mrs. Robinson goes on, “And then when you went to Russia in the Cold War, whispering secrets in their ear. And all those horses you were shoeing – I kept asking your Uncle Charlie, ‘Why would your nephew want to go to Russia to shoe horses?’ Your old mother hopes you weren’t standing too close to those animals – hope you didn’t get too friendly with that white mare you told me about.”
Steve has to interrupt, “Maaa, stop that now, what are you saying. That mare was so sweet, like a princess. She backed right up to me, so she could rub her rear up against me,” Steve told his mother. “I guess , what with all that touching, she got real excited…and poo pooed all over me.”
“Stevie, what a disgusting thing to tell your old mother. Sonny – you know I’ve told you time and time again, it was ‘poo poo’ when you were three years old, but now you’re and old man. I keep telling you the word is ‘crap’ or ‘shit.’ Please remember that.
“Furthermore, some day when I go-a-knocking on those Pearly Gates, I’ll just bet St. Peter will ask me, ‘Is that good-for-nothing son of yours still knocking up those horses?’ I’ll be almost too embarrassed to go to Heaven. Just you wait till your Uncle Charlie hears about what you said – dinner table conversation, my ass.”
This is how it came to pass that Steve Robinson’s mother – Mother Robinson – wouldn’t give him the money to participate in Pete Sumaruck’s invitational Turkey Shoot. Maybe there is still a chance for a happy ending in this sorry tale of woe. Pete tells us he will schedule another event just for good old Steve.
Originally, Pete Sumaruck thought a Turkey Shoot would be the perfect chance for “Stevie” to prove that he can still shoot. Even if Steve Robinson is the only Navy SEAL in history to declare as a non-combatant.
But old Mother Robinson said, “It’s good to hold a world’s record for something…but not for being a coward. Say, didn’t someone write a Country Western song about a coward, ‘a dirty little coward?’’ Maybe your wife can sing that song to me…but no matter how pretty it sounds, you aint gett’n any of my money to go to that damn Turkey Shoot.”
Pete says, “Steve must have gone through shooter school, everyone does, that is if Steve actually ever was a Navy SEAL. And if his mommy won’t give her baby boy the money, Steve could sell Girl Scout cookies; I take that back, he can’t be trusted. Or what about all his old friends, they would want to chip in travel expenses.
“How about a charity ‘Gala’ like Robinson’s old group pownetwork used to have – that group is gone. They raised a lot of money each year – so says the IRS. Pow could give their old buddy Steve a fundraiser so he could prove he wasn’t a wanna-be makebelieve, any way to make a buck – what a chicken-shit. I talked to Steve’s good friend Larry Bailey about it and he laughed… pretty funny – he couldn’t stop laughing.”
Think of all that money from thousands of unsuspecting people, raised for spurious purposes by pow – money to pay operating costs and living expenses for the pow staff. That turned out to be a rich take for Steve Robinson and his friends. A nice little niche business given to harassing innocent people, accusing them of never being military heroes – some people called that extortion… and then there was the meth business – Missouri comes down hard on that sort of thing. Guess Steve Robinson got in a lot of trouble for that; he’ll just have to be satisfied with a medal for “Only Navy SEAL Non-Combatant in the history of America.”
Pete – “Or if Stevie is that hard up, I could pay his way… for him and his friends to come to the event – yeah, he needs to have his friends there to support him, he couldn’t do it by himself – ass-hole Steve needs another hand to hold it in the bathroom.”
Two years ago Steve Robinson threatened the life of Pete Sumaruck by saying publicly and by email to Pete (he has hardcopy), that he was going to send eleven Navy SEALs, Marines or other big guy military types from Missouri down to Texas to “whip your ass.” Steve even told Pete they would hide in an alley and jump out to attack him, saying, “We’re going to kill you.”
This is conspiracy to commit murder across state lines – a Federal Offense.
Pete says again and again, “I can’t get over it. I”m half Steve’s size (Steve is a big 300 pounds). He must be a really weak son-of-a-bitch (our apologies to Mother Robinson) to need ten beefy guys with him to ‘whip my ass.’ But then, I do have a black belt in tae kwon do.”
Steve sent, not 10 men, but two big guys down to “whip your ass.” Steve couldn’t do the deed himself or even come along – that would be combat and Steve doesn’t do combat.
The first one crept up behind Pete in an aisle in a grocery store in Waco. Pete could sense the ape up behind him, then the guy said, “Semper F… “ He didn’t even have time to say, “Fi,” when Pete turned in a flash to knuckle his forehead, laying him out flat – unconscious.
The second time happened six or more months later when Pete was pumping gas into his truck. Again a Marine came up behind him; Pete saw him in a reflection. The guy loomed high over him, holding a Marine fighting stick raised up to strike.
Knuckles to the forehead – next, a collapsed esophagus, and a mighty kick to his knee for a compound fracture – again stretched out unconscious. A crowd of 9 to 12 had witnessed the attack on Pete, and they gave him a clapping ovation.
“I waved to crowd, slipped my business card into his pocket, and left him lying there. I had written on the card, ‘if you need medical help, call me,’ the honorable thing to do, one soldier to another.
“Six weeks later, the guy did actually call me, said he had just gotten out of the hospital. He apologized for attacking me, told me he intended to kill me; he said Steve (Robinson) told him to go after me,” – another conspiracy to commit murder.
Pete has extremely quick reflexes, and eye-hand coordination – good thing.
Animosity between Pete Sumaruck and Steve Robinson began three plus years ago when Steve saw a trident (emblem of Navy SEALs) on Pete’s baseball cap. Pete says, “A SEAL gave me that because he knew my history… I spent 9 ½ years doing special operations as a contract combatant, trained by Navy SEALs – every assignment was combat.”
Pete says, “I have a lot of retired SEAL buddies. They’ve been protecting me since I developed my technology. I get a lot of harassment, some directly from factions in our government, some from f…ing idiots like Steve Robinson. Occasionally my people just get fed up, have fight back.”
Over the past year, Robinson’s pow website has cut way back from their days of falsely accusing men of being wanna-be military heroes. For years, Robinson was a vigilante, judge and jury, but he hasn’t been in the military since 1979. He doesn’t work for the U.S. government. He doesn’t have a license to harass anyone – that’s illegal; especially when it’s harassment for profit – that’s extortion. Plus, Steve was getting paid to harass Pete, attack his website and attack him physically – hardcopy proof of the above. Things are different now. It may well be some of Pete’s fans helped dismantle Steve Robinson’s POW shennagahan business.
“I don’t know who did it, but thanks guys, for that. You know, in the SEALs, there is an expression, ‘Payback is a motherfucker.’”
There is a faction in our government and our economy that does not want Pete Sumaruck’s Zero-Amp technology to reach ordinary people. But Pete persists, “I never break the law, never exceed a posted speed limit, and my technology is beyond doubt the most important in our lifetime. That’s not bragging; if the law has ever had any problem with that they would have arrested me. The Feds don’t disbelieve me, they just want me dead – (note 18 attempts on his life to date). Unlimited electricity without fuel and no pollution scares the Feds.”
“My buddies have a great sense of humor.”
For the past several weeks, we have been enjoying Steve Robinson’s photo show. If you google: “steve robinson navy SEAL,” you will see a strip of images; click on the title and you’ll find 50 to a couple hundred photos, number changing daily. Each day the display has many pictures of Steve, some or his old friends and other shots of unrelated people but always one or several shots of Pete – so nice of Steve to include his old friend Pete in his rotogravure, riiight.
Steve fancies himself as a hacker, but this time some of Pete’s friends included him in the show. There were even several photos we didn’t have – above is one of those.
Pete says – “Hey guys, thanks again; this is fun.” Like crashing Steve’s party.
“Not so fast, let me in here,” says Steve’s Uncle Charlie. Any of those pictures show medals Steve received?”
“Sorry to disappoint you Uncle Charlie, but if Steve had been wearing medals, that would make him guilty of “Stolen Valor.”
Charlie – “Now wait a minute, we have a lot of valor in our family. My uncle’s uncle’s uncle’s uncle’ name was Tio – that’s ‘Uncle’ in Spanish.” Charlie laughs wildly…and goes on. Our Uncle Tio was an officer in the Army of Santa Ana. He fought bravely in the Battle of the Alamo. Tio was on the winning side. Santa Ana awarded him a medal, yes sir e.
“Mother Robinson didn’t want Steve to know he had Mexican heritage. She calls Steve a ‘beaner’ when he isn’t in the room. Steve thinks he is a Viking, ha. He used to go to those historical reenactments. Steve dressed as a Viking; once he took his cousin Willard and me along. He made us be the German enemy; we were supposed to be in Germany instead of Pennsylvania, lots of Germans in Pennsylvania, ya know.”
“Yes, yes, we know…but if the Vikings were invading Germany, that would have made Steve the enemy.”
“That may be true, but Steve gets real mad if he doesn’t get to win. Funny thing happened – that day, Steve was getting cozy with a big brown horse, but it stepped hard on Steve’s foot. He screamed, tried to get away but fell into a big deep hole – Steve, not the horse. We all stood around and looked at him – well it was pretty funny and people started to laugh, even the horse, as I recall.
“That’s when Mother Robinson arrived. She was all dressed up in an old fashioned costume – she did look mighty pretty…You know I have always had deep feelings for Mother Robinson.”
“No, I didn’t know that.”
“Yes, humm, that woman smells better than the aroma of barbecued goat, and that’s reeeal good. So she walked up to hole and looked in – there was Steve, down at the bottom. She laughed, but them she knew she had to be tough. She screamed at Steve and then started giving orders – like a regular general, yes, Mother Robinson should have been a general. She threw the end of a rope to Steve, then tied the other end to the horse’s bridle, she slapped the rear of the horse and the horse did the work.
“Always get someone else to do the work; that’s a real general, I guess. Yes, Mother Robinson is quite a woman. I was real angry when my brother married her before I got a chance to. Guess I should tell you, my brother wasn’t Steve’s father. I thought many times about claiming Steve as my own, but I decided, I don’t think I like him all that much.”
And that’s the tale of Mrs. Robinson, the General, and her wayward son, Steve. Sounds a little like a good-old song, about a good-old boy with a mother complex. Yes.
Biography of Pete Sumaruck, by Charlotte Wilson